365 Day Self Transformation Project (Formerly 90 Day) A Much Needed Break – Week 7

These last month got chaotic. I got a terrible cold for 10 days, received some negative feedback at work, got new meds for my IBS and was trying to move while prepping my house to be sold. I was stressed about staying on task to reach my goals. I also realized that much of my stress was of my own creation. I live off of my righteous anger. I would rather be stressed and riddled with anxiety than be wrong. It was a bit of an awakening for me.

I decided to take a break from the transformation work and just focus on clearing out as much self created stress as possible. I made the tight timeline to put my house on the market the week after we moved out. I can take an additional two weeks so I don’t get overwhelmed. I set incredibly lofty goals for myself, this transformation work included.

I probably should have given myself a year to reach all of the goals I set for myself. Since it’s my transformation project, I am extending to 365 days instead of 90. Goals stay the same, but now have more time to really devote to self reflection and changing my life for the better.

After recognizing that most of my stress was my own creation and devoting the time to change my perspective, I have been feeling so much happier and am able to enjoy my time with friends and family and actually be present.

In other news, although I wasn’t as dedicated to my meal prep, I weighed myself and I am officially down to 181.2! I did still track my food and ate in moderation. Despite all of the mental anguish, I have not binged since December 1!

My husband and I signed up for a 5k which falls under two of my goals – quality time with my husband and wellness. It’s on March 8. We are going to walk it and maybe in June, we will try another one but try jogging that one.

Our new place is wonderful and it was such a great decision to move. We are walking distance to Trader Joes. I am already getting about 3k more steps a day in the new place. The best thing is our new bathtub! Daily baths while reading. It is the perfect way to destress after a long day.

Hope you had a Happy Valentine’s Day! Until next week…

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Week 6 (Days 36-42) – Weekly Check In

I am halfway through this 90 day transformation. Some things have been going really well like putting my wellness and health as a top priority. I probably could have just done 12 week dedicated to wellness. 

I am down to 187.2 which is about 3lbs away from original weight before the big gain last fall. It took a lot of work to reach this number. Interestingly, my inches are still higher. I am wondering if when I am experiencing the plateaus on weight but not inches, my body is readjusting the inches?

I had a painful, I mean super painful IBS flareup starting last Thursday. I had to miss work, slept for over 14 hours. 

On Friday, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor but then had a realization. I have given up dairy, but there are two things that I really struggle with giving up, garlic and gluten.  So now, I have officially given up both of those. It will take probably a month to notice the difference. 

I am going to embrace my new dairy, gluten and garlic free life and try to be as positive as possible. If it helps with my IBS, it will be worth it. I tried out a couple of new recipes. If interested, I made buckwheat banana muffins and they were so good! 

On Saturday, finally feeling better, I tried out a new restaurant, Whole Sol, in Denver and boy, it was expensive and just okay. I paid $25 for a small bowl and a juice, not worth it and definitely won’t be back. 

My kitchen fail this week was crawfish coconut curry and butternut squash rice. The curry was just not great and the rice was mushy it just mixed with curry. I had to redeem myself with something. I made this delicious dinner on Sunday. I was really in the mood for some hashbrowns, so I roasted some shredded carrots and fried an egg with it. Best quick and easy dinner. 

I reset some of my weight loss rewards and got a scale for the kitchen and an air fryer. I usually hate extra equipment in the kitchen but I am loving the air fryer. I cooked chicken in 20 minutes and it was so flavorful and crispy. 

The scale has been really helpful. I have been underestimating my proteins and overestimating my sauces. Dinner was actually filling once I got the scale. 

This week I am grateful the challenges life brings and everything I am learning from them.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Week 5 (Days 32-35) – Weekly Check In

Instead of trying to post everyday, I am going to do a weekly check i so I can spend more time actually hitting my goals and getting some balance in my life.

I am over a month in and I am definitely changing! I’ve lost over 15lbs and have some balance in my diet. I started out very restrictive. I have a little less than 9lbs left to go before I can start high impact exercises and I am hoping to hit that before spring. However, in my weekly weigh in/measurements, I am still at the same weight for almost 3 weeks now. I think I have hit a plateau so I am going to reassess my workout routine and also purchase a scale for my food and see what happens. The good news is I lost about 5 inches since my last measurements in various places so something is working. 

This week my sleep and water intake have not been great. I get barely 6 hours of good sleep. I know it’s my depression which is very frustrating. I did find these great sleep meditations on youtube which helped the past two nights. I also need to figure out a way to get more water. I noticed this week I drink around 30 oz a day which is just not enough especially at a higher altitude. I got a dehydration headache almost everyday. 

This week, I did not get to a church service either. Sunday morning is always my grocery shopping time and I am struggling with adjusting to my new routine. 

I got so many new things to try at Trader Joe’s. I went to the store so hungry that I wanted everything in the store and went a little overboard.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 31 – Setting Core Values

I finally got my 2020 planner in. I picked one that was goal oriented and it is a lot to fill out. There is a core values section, and I struggled with core values so much in the therapy last year too.

I like the idea of establishing core values. It takes a certain amount of self awareness to develop them. 

After much research, I set my core values as follows:

  • Balance 
  • Love
  • Security and Stability 
  • Achievement and determination
  • Family and Friendship
  • Justice 
  • Wisdom 
  • Spirituality 
  • Loyalty 
  • Personal Fulfilment 

Now I have to start setting goals which is hard when your depressed. It is hard to battle that inner voice saying you are failure why should you set goals. I am determined to complete the self awareness and goals section of the planner. I did spend $30 on this planner so I want to get my use out of it. 

I had to take a step back from my weight loss plan to focus on my mental health. I feel like I am getting back on track and will meal prep this weekend and plan my workout schedule. I need to get my sleep schedule back on track too. I have only been getting about 6 hours in the last couple of days.

Today I am grateful for my husband, my job and stability. 

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Days 29-30 – 2020

Happy New Year! My new year started with very little fanfare. Friends came over for dinner and a game night. 

I baked chicken wings instead of frying them and apparently, the secret is aluminum free baking powder. They were really good!

I had taken a break during the holidays from work and a little from my diet changes. I didn’t sway too much. No binge eating which is shocking! I am now back on the transformation train and I also have one big new year’s resolution. I am going to skip the week 4 check in and will give myself time to restart. 

I am going to do a low spend year, not a complete no spend though. I tend to compensate from one rush to another. So instead of eating food especially sugar to get a rush, I have been spending quite a bit. 

This year I will set the following rules:

  • No new clothes unless I need to replace a staple item. 
  • I can buy gifts for others within reason 
  • No limits on food 
  • No new types of makeup or skincare, only replacing
  • Definitely no new movies, books or magazines. I have so many books, some that I haven’t even read yet. 
  • No extra coffee or drinks unless out with friends or family
  • I can still do one self care activity a month and will still get my rewards if I hit my weight goals. 

I finally got my planner so will be working to get that started too and plan some more detailed goals. 

I am grateful for the new year and new opportunities.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Days 26-28 – Dealing with Depression

Last night I had a realization that my depression was back. Usually I get very numb when depressed but this time my depression is mostly anger which has been very hard to manage. Everything puts me in a bad mood. Everything feels like a crisis. 

I am treating every relationship in my life like a burden. Thankfully, I have a very forgiving friends who understand depression. Even admitting to myself that my depression is back has changed my attitude some. At least I recognize where the anger and feelings are coming from and can accept it. 

I called several therapists this morning to try to get a new appointment and until then, I am practicing DBT with my old workbooks. 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy was helpful in the past and I spent over a year in intensive therapy learning new skills to deal with my mental illness. So I can definitely manage my depression again. I think I needed to finally accept that it is back and address it head on. 

I want to stay on track on my transformation goals and my goals will help manage my depression.

My biggest hurdle will be managing my relationship with my husband while being depressed. I have never had a major depression episode since we got married and were living together. I don’t want to ruin our relationship or impact his mental health too much either. 

I am grateful for acceptance.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Days 24-25 – Week 3 Check In

8e342882-b371-434f-b688-6cde35f8bc81The holidays really through me off schedule and my weekly check in is a little late. My husband and I have been apartment hunting and we had some parties so I have not been able to cook as usual which means it is hard to track my food intake and calories or workout on my usual schedule. 

I tried my best to eat in moderation and the good news, I am finally below the 190s. I am officially down to 189; lost over 16lbs! My doctor said I needed to get to 180 so I can do any type of exercise and relieve pressure on my joints so only 9lbs left to go. I haven’t been below 190 since August so this is a great success. 

While apartment hunting, I tried two new meals – poke bowls and ramen. I have only ever had the cheap ramen. I got the ramen with vegan kale noodles and I am definitely going to try these at home.  

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I know it’s not a huge amount of weight; however, I already feel better carrying around less weight. It is getting easier to walk up steps and walk inclines. 

I know I set sneakers and a manicure as rewards. However, I decided to go with a 2020 planner instead. It’s getting closer to 2020 and I want to start the year off with a plan. 

I am grateful for progress.