365 Day Self Transformation Project (Formerly 90 Day) A Much Needed Break – Week 7

These last month got chaotic. I got a terrible cold for 10 days, received some negative feedback at work, got new meds for my IBS and was trying to move while prepping my house to be sold. I was stressed about staying on task to reach my goals. I also realized that much of my stress was of my own creation. I live off of my righteous anger. I would rather be stressed and riddled with anxiety than be wrong. It was a bit of an awakening for me.

I decided to take a break from the transformation work and just focus on clearing out as much self created stress as possible. I made the tight timeline to put my house on the market the week after we moved out. I can take an additional two weeks so I don’t get overwhelmed. I set incredibly lofty goals for myself, this transformation work included.

I probably should have given myself a year to reach all of the goals I set for myself. Since it’s my transformation project, I am extending to 365 days instead of 90. Goals stay the same, but now have more time to really devote to self reflection and changing my life for the better.

After recognizing that most of my stress was my own creation and devoting the time to change my perspective, I have been feeling so much happier and am able to enjoy my time with friends and family and actually be present.

In other news, although I wasn’t as dedicated to my meal prep, I weighed myself and I am officially down to 181.2! I did still track my food and ate in moderation. Despite all of the mental anguish, I have not binged since December 1!

My husband and I signed up for a 5k which falls under two of my goals – quality time with my husband and wellness. It’s on March 8. We are going to walk it and maybe in June, we will try another one but try jogging that one.

Our new place is wonderful and it was such a great decision to move. We are walking distance to Trader Joes. I am already getting about 3k more steps a day in the new place. The best thing is our new bathtub! Daily baths while reading. It is the perfect way to destress after a long day.

Hope you had a Happy Valentine’s Day! Until next week…

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Week 6 (Days 36-42) – Weekly Check In

I am halfway through this 90 day transformation. Some things have been going really well like putting my wellness and health as a top priority. I probably could have just done 12 week dedicated to wellness. 

I am down to 187.2 which is about 3lbs away from original weight before the big gain last fall. It took a lot of work to reach this number. Interestingly, my inches are still higher. I am wondering if when I am experiencing the plateaus on weight but not inches, my body is readjusting the inches?

I had a painful, I mean super painful IBS flareup starting last Thursday. I had to miss work, slept for over 14 hours. 

On Friday, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor but then had a realization. I have given up dairy, but there are two things that I really struggle with giving up, garlic and gluten.  So now, I have officially given up both of those. It will take probably a month to notice the difference. 

I am going to embrace my new dairy, gluten and garlic free life and try to be as positive as possible. If it helps with my IBS, it will be worth it. I tried out a couple of new recipes. If interested, I made buckwheat banana muffins and they were so good! 

On Saturday, finally feeling better, I tried out a new restaurant, Whole Sol, in Denver and boy, it was expensive and just okay. I paid $25 for a small bowl and a juice, not worth it and definitely won’t be back. 

My kitchen fail this week was crawfish coconut curry and butternut squash rice. The curry was just not great and the rice was mushy it just mixed with curry. I had to redeem myself with something. I made this delicious dinner on Sunday. I was really in the mood for some hashbrowns, so I roasted some shredded carrots and fried an egg with it. Best quick and easy dinner. 

I reset some of my weight loss rewards and got a scale for the kitchen and an air fryer. I usually hate extra equipment in the kitchen but I am loving the air fryer. I cooked chicken in 20 minutes and it was so flavorful and crispy. 

The scale has been really helpful. I have been underestimating my proteins and overestimating my sauces. Dinner was actually filling once I got the scale. 

This week I am grateful the challenges life brings and everything I am learning from them.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 31 – Setting Core Values

I finally got my 2020 planner in. I picked one that was goal oriented and it is a lot to fill out. There is a core values section, and I struggled with core values so much in the therapy last year too.

I like the idea of establishing core values. It takes a certain amount of self awareness to develop them. 

After much research, I set my core values as follows:

  • Balance 
  • Love
  • Security and Stability 
  • Achievement and determination
  • Family and Friendship
  • Justice 
  • Wisdom 
  • Spirituality 
  • Loyalty 
  • Personal Fulfilment 

Now I have to start setting goals which is hard when your depressed. It is hard to battle that inner voice saying you are failure why should you set goals. I am determined to complete the self awareness and goals section of the planner. I did spend $30 on this planner so I want to get my use out of it. 

I had to take a step back from my weight loss plan to focus on my mental health. I feel like I am getting back on track and will meal prep this weekend and plan my workout schedule. I need to get my sleep schedule back on track too. I have only been getting about 6 hours in the last couple of days.

Today I am grateful for my husband, my job and stability. 

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Days 26-28 – Dealing with Depression

Last night I had a realization that my depression was back. Usually I get very numb when depressed but this time my depression is mostly anger which has been very hard to manage. Everything puts me in a bad mood. Everything feels like a crisis. 

I am treating every relationship in my life like a burden. Thankfully, I have a very forgiving friends who understand depression. Even admitting to myself that my depression is back has changed my attitude some. At least I recognize where the anger and feelings are coming from and can accept it. 

I called several therapists this morning to try to get a new appointment and until then, I am practicing DBT with my old workbooks. 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy was helpful in the past and I spent over a year in intensive therapy learning new skills to deal with my mental illness. So I can definitely manage my depression again. I think I needed to finally accept that it is back and address it head on. 

I want to stay on track on my transformation goals and my goals will help manage my depression.

My biggest hurdle will be managing my relationship with my husband while being depressed. I have never had a major depression episode since we got married and were living together. I don’t want to ruin our relationship or impact his mental health too much either. 

I am grateful for acceptance.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 23 – Christmas and Decisions

d3fe7e71-3c45-40b6-b919-865a0967d0cdA belated Merry Christmas! We had a wonderful Christmas. I made some delicious prime rib roast and got my husband to eat (and love) butternut squash. I also made our first holiday meal dairy free. My oat milk Yorkshire pudding was a bust, but I will try again and adjust the recipe. 

We then went to a basketball game and it was so much fun! Basketball is way more lively than football. I can definitely get into basketball. 

I spent the last week trying to figure out why I felt overwhelmed and what adjustments I needed to make. We made a pretty big decision. I bought my house in 2016 and my husband moved in this year when we got married. It’s not in the best neighborhood. You can’t really walk anywhere. There are no natural grocery stores within 5 miles. 

My husband and I had planned to buy a larger house in late 2020. I decided to sell my house a little earlier and we are going to move into an apartment in the city in February. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. My house was great for a while but it is so much upkeep and I just want a break and be able to have fun with my husband and not just be stuck in the house. I also love the idea of starting somewhere fresh and living in a new neighborhood. 

I am grateful for my husband and his support and decisions. 

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90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 20-22 – Taken Down by a Cold

f8a75d0b-f638-4659-949d-8ea2218227edEveryone at work got a cold in the last few weeks, and I was happily avoiding everyone and trying my best to stay healthy. Unfortunately on Day 20, I finally got the cold. I was down for a couple of days and felt miserable. 

I didn’t get to work out much and generally couldn’t do much. In that time, my garbage disposal and washing machine broke and I really hit rock bottom. I needed to take a break from everything to reassess my life. I didn’t blog and really took a break from work turning my work phone on silent.  

I want to take control of my life and that was the catalyst for this transformation. I was out of control with food, work, friends and I just had no balance. I also have no idea what I want in life so food became my comfort. I just thought it would be easier to find a purpose. I have so much reflection and assessment to do of my life. 

On a lighter note, on Day 22, I was finally able to go outside again and had lunch with a friend at Honor Society in downtown Denver. This was the best cobb salad I have ever had. It was so yummy! They also had carrot and ginger lemonade and I need to find a recipe. 

 

I am planning to get back on my workout routine and cooking more food at home after Christmas is over.

 

I am grateful I recovered quickly from my cold and my energy level coming back.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 19 – Fun Saturday

8315b1a4-012c-4647-9d72-3d0ff2783db0Today was such a fun day! I spent so much time with my friends and did a ton of walking. 

I really wanted to have afternoon tea but everything was booked. Who knew afternoon tea was such a popular Christmas activity? My friend and I met for brunch at the Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse and I still wore my afternoon tea outfit. It was so yummy. I had the Persian omelette with baba ganoush. 

We walked around Boulder and got oat milk chocolate. Oat milk chocolate is decent but not my favorite. 

6818a228-895f-43db-9f32-54b9320d65bbThen some other friends and I went to Hudson Gardens in Littleton to see the Christmas lights and it was gorgeous! Although a little too crowded. 

It is a bit struggle to eat healthy while eating out so much. I am doing my best to sub out foods. Instead of pancakes, I got a fruit cup. 

Today I really felt some holiday joy. It was the first day in a while where I really felt in the moment and I wasn’t thinking about work. 

I am so grateful for my friends, being able to walk long distance again and Christmas lights.

 

 

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90 Day Self Transformation Project – Days 16-18 – Busy Days

0bb2375a-d942-4ca6-81c9-15140e5e97c6I spent the last 3 days at work stuck in conference rooms and never even leaving for a lunch break. I was able to workout in the mornings but it couldn’t make it to the gym in the afternoon. At least one of the conferences rooms had an amazing view. I keep reminding myself that it is only a few more days then I finally get a break. Boy, I am ready for that break. 

Barre classes are seriously my favorite thing right now. Still sore in the most random places. I look forward to the classes and I am surprisingly okay waking up 30 minutes earlier to do the workouts.

Thankfully, I was able to get healthy food during all of these busy meetings and didn’t eat any of the many sugary treats. I did have some pieces of dark chocolate in one meeting. 

I spent most of this week thinking about my family. This is the first Christmas without our grandfather and it will be a hard one. 

I am grateful for my family, the last moments I spent with my grandfather, and the holiday season.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 15 – Two Weeks In

4c0172c9-52bd-48c1-837b-3abca4247340Officially two weeks in! This weigh in was a little less dramatic. I lost an additional 3lbs this week, that’s 13lbs total in two weeks. I also lost over 6 inches. I owe myself a new pair of sneakers!

It’s been 15 days since I last binge ate, the longest stretch in almost 5 months.  I am thoroughly enjoying barre classes. They are way more challenging AND FUN than I expected. Making time for working out has been a struggle but I think it’s important to prioritize my health. 

Logging my food is becoming a habit and feels less tedious. I also didn’t have an IBS flare up this week which feels amazing. 

For my other intentions, I made time for my friends and had a date night with my husband. I also got at least 7 hours of sleep every night. This upcoming week, I want to focus on mindfulness especially when eating and decluttering some of my space. 

I am grateful for progress, my body and raspberries.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 14 – Medical Opinion on Transformation

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Esh, so this is going to be a long one. I have tried to write this post so many times in the last week. 

I mentioned that I wanted a medical opinion before deciding on a weight loss plan. Keto is everywhere, but seems so intense and restrictive. I read Dr. Phil’s 20/20 Plan and it seemed practical and can help with my binge eating. I have also been reading Liezl Jayne’s blog and her plan seems really easy to follow long term and is a true lifestyle change. 

I will start with the good news. As of now, I do not have diabetes, pre diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol. I do have some vitamin deficiencies. 

The slightly bad news. Due to my weight, I should not do any high impact exercises like kettlebell workouts or strength training on my own until I lose some weight. Two weeks ago, I hit my heaviest (I’m cringing even writing this) at 205 on my just over 5” frame. This extra weight can really hurt my joints especially for at home exercises. So my first goal is to get to 180 but in total, it was recommended that I lose 45lbs with no set time. My transformation will likely be significantly longer than 90 days. That was so hard to hear and I had to take some time to process. 

I really didn’t want to focus on my actual weight as a goal. My doctor said to see it as just metric to help determine my overall health, and we can adjust the weight goal if I am losing more inches than weight. I was also told that I am currently really strong mentally and I can handle losing a designated weight without developing any disordered eating. I just need to be aware of potentially problematic behaviors and be honest with my doctor and therapist if any habits develop. 

I will be eating no less than 1500 calories and no more than 1800 calories factoring in any exercise. I was also reminded that if I am truly hungry and it is not emotional to eat even if it is over the allotted calories.  It’s been a week and I have not been obsessing over calorie counting. I still eat my food and enjoy it.  

I am going to continue to keep my food plan simple, whole foods, limited processed food and only eliminate the foods that impact my IBS. I will continue to use MyFitnessPal to track but will factor in calories. Per Liezl Jayne’s plan, she recommends assigning some rewards and I have thought long and hard about them. I tried to pick some really fun stuff. They get more extravagant as I get closer to my goal. I just need a new car so I figure this will be a good motivator. I am already down 10lbs so I get my first 3 rewards (YAY!). 

5lbs – Treat meal

8lbs – New skincare stuff

10lbs – New sweaters

12lbs – New sneakers

15lbs – Manicure

18lbs – 2020 Planner

20lbs – Gymshark outfit

22lbs – High tea at the Brown Palace

25lbs – Fitness tracker

27lbs – Knitting class 

30lbs – Day off work and spa treatment

35lbs – New fancy outfit

38lbs – Hire a maid 

40lbs – Long weekend with husband

42lbs – Murder Mystery Dinner Party

45lbs – New Car

My doctor recommended Barre classes (at home or in person) as a great low impact workout. I got a free trial membership for Barre 3 and seriously, it’s a low impact workout, but hard! I completed around 4 30 minute workouts this week, and they are challenging. I don’t think I ever been so sore in so many weird places. 

Today I am grateful for caffeine, sleep and change.