365 Day Self Transformation Project (Formerly 90 Day) A Much Needed Break – Week 7

These last month got chaotic. I got a terrible cold for 10 days, received some negative feedback at work, got new meds for my IBS and was trying to move while prepping my house to be sold. I was stressed about staying on task to reach my goals. I also realized that much of my stress was of my own creation. I live off of my righteous anger. I would rather be stressed and riddled with anxiety than be wrong. It was a bit of an awakening for me.

I decided to take a break from the transformation work and just focus on clearing out as much self created stress as possible. I made the tight timeline to put my house on the market the week after we moved out. I can take an additional two weeks so I don’t get overwhelmed. I set incredibly lofty goals for myself, this transformation work included.

I probably should have given myself a year to reach all of the goals I set for myself. Since it’s my transformation project, I am extending to 365 days instead of 90. Goals stay the same, but now have more time to really devote to self reflection and changing my life for the better.

After recognizing that most of my stress was my own creation and devoting the time to change my perspective, I have been feeling so much happier and am able to enjoy my time with friends and family and actually be present.

In other news, although I wasn’t as dedicated to my meal prep, I weighed myself and I am officially down to 181.2! I did still track my food and ate in moderation. Despite all of the mental anguish, I have not binged since December 1!

My husband and I signed up for a 5k which falls under two of my goals – quality time with my husband and wellness. It’s on March 8. We are going to walk it and maybe in June, we will try another one but try jogging that one.

Our new place is wonderful and it was such a great decision to move. We are walking distance to Trader Joes. I am already getting about 3k more steps a day in the new place. The best thing is our new bathtub! Daily baths while reading. It is the perfect way to destress after a long day.

Hope you had a Happy Valentine’s Day! Until next week…

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Week 5 (Days 32-35) – Weekly Check In

Instead of trying to post everyday, I am going to do a weekly check i so I can spend more time actually hitting my goals and getting some balance in my life.

I am over a month in and I am definitely changing! I’ve lost over 15lbs and have some balance in my diet. I started out very restrictive. I have a little less than 9lbs left to go before I can start high impact exercises and I am hoping to hit that before spring. However, in my weekly weigh in/measurements, I am still at the same weight for almost 3 weeks now. I think I have hit a plateau so I am going to reassess my workout routine and also purchase a scale for my food and see what happens. The good news is I lost about 5 inches since my last measurements in various places so something is working. 

This week my sleep and water intake have not been great. I get barely 6 hours of good sleep. I know it’s my depression which is very frustrating. I did find these great sleep meditations on youtube which helped the past two nights. I also need to figure out a way to get more water. I noticed this week I drink around 30 oz a day which is just not enough especially at a higher altitude. I got a dehydration headache almost everyday. 

This week, I did not get to a church service either. Sunday morning is always my grocery shopping time and I am struggling with adjusting to my new routine. 

I got so many new things to try at Trader Joe’s. I went to the store so hungry that I wanted everything in the store and went a little overboard.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 31 – Setting Core Values

I finally got my 2020 planner in. I picked one that was goal oriented and it is a lot to fill out. There is a core values section, and I struggled with core values so much in the therapy last year too.

I like the idea of establishing core values. It takes a certain amount of self awareness to develop them. 

After much research, I set my core values as follows:

  • Balance 
  • Love
  • Security and Stability 
  • Achievement and determination
  • Family and Friendship
  • Justice 
  • Wisdom 
  • Spirituality 
  • Loyalty 
  • Personal Fulfilment 

Now I have to start setting goals which is hard when your depressed. It is hard to battle that inner voice saying you are failure why should you set goals. I am determined to complete the self awareness and goals section of the planner. I did spend $30 on this planner so I want to get my use out of it. 

I had to take a step back from my weight loss plan to focus on my mental health. I feel like I am getting back on track and will meal prep this weekend and plan my workout schedule. I need to get my sleep schedule back on track too. I have only been getting about 6 hours in the last couple of days.

Today I am grateful for my husband, my job and stability. 

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Days 26-28 – Dealing with Depression

Last night I had a realization that my depression was back. Usually I get very numb when depressed but this time my depression is mostly anger which has been very hard to manage. Everything puts me in a bad mood. Everything feels like a crisis. 

I am treating every relationship in my life like a burden. Thankfully, I have a very forgiving friends who understand depression. Even admitting to myself that my depression is back has changed my attitude some. At least I recognize where the anger and feelings are coming from and can accept it. 

I called several therapists this morning to try to get a new appointment and until then, I am practicing DBT with my old workbooks. 

Dialectical Behavior Therapy was helpful in the past and I spent over a year in intensive therapy learning new skills to deal with my mental illness. So I can definitely manage my depression again. I think I needed to finally accept that it is back and address it head on. 

I want to stay on track on my transformation goals and my goals will help manage my depression.

My biggest hurdle will be managing my relationship with my husband while being depressed. I have never had a major depression episode since we got married and were living together. I don’t want to ruin our relationship or impact his mental health too much either. 

I am grateful for acceptance.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 23 – Christmas and Decisions

d3fe7e71-3c45-40b6-b919-865a0967d0cdA belated Merry Christmas! We had a wonderful Christmas. I made some delicious prime rib roast and got my husband to eat (and love) butternut squash. I also made our first holiday meal dairy free. My oat milk Yorkshire pudding was a bust, but I will try again and adjust the recipe. 

We then went to a basketball game and it was so much fun! Basketball is way more lively than football. I can definitely get into basketball. 

I spent the last week trying to figure out why I felt overwhelmed and what adjustments I needed to make. We made a pretty big decision. I bought my house in 2016 and my husband moved in this year when we got married. It’s not in the best neighborhood. You can’t really walk anywhere. There are no natural grocery stores within 5 miles. 

My husband and I had planned to buy a larger house in late 2020. I decided to sell my house a little earlier and we are going to move into an apartment in the city in February. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. My house was great for a while but it is so much upkeep and I just want a break and be able to have fun with my husband and not just be stuck in the house. I also love the idea of starting somewhere fresh and living in a new neighborhood. 

I am grateful for my husband and his support and decisions. 

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90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 20-22 – Taken Down by a Cold

f8a75d0b-f638-4659-949d-8ea2218227edEveryone at work got a cold in the last few weeks, and I was happily avoiding everyone and trying my best to stay healthy. Unfortunately on Day 20, I finally got the cold. I was down for a couple of days and felt miserable. 

I didn’t get to work out much and generally couldn’t do much. In that time, my garbage disposal and washing machine broke and I really hit rock bottom. I needed to take a break from everything to reassess my life. I didn’t blog and really took a break from work turning my work phone on silent.  

I want to take control of my life and that was the catalyst for this transformation. I was out of control with food, work, friends and I just had no balance. I also have no idea what I want in life so food became my comfort. I just thought it would be easier to find a purpose. I have so much reflection and assessment to do of my life. 

On a lighter note, on Day 22, I was finally able to go outside again and had lunch with a friend at Honor Society in downtown Denver. This was the best cobb salad I have ever had. It was so yummy! They also had carrot and ginger lemonade and I need to find a recipe. 

 

I am planning to get back on my workout routine and cooking more food at home after Christmas is over.

 

I am grateful I recovered quickly from my cold and my energy level coming back.

90 Day Self Transformation Project – Day 19 – Fun Saturday

8315b1a4-012c-4647-9d72-3d0ff2783db0Today was such a fun day! I spent so much time with my friends and did a ton of walking. 

I really wanted to have afternoon tea but everything was booked. Who knew afternoon tea was such a popular Christmas activity? My friend and I met for brunch at the Boulder Dushanbe Teahouse and I still wore my afternoon tea outfit. It was so yummy. I had the Persian omelette with baba ganoush. 

We walked around Boulder and got oat milk chocolate. Oat milk chocolate is decent but not my favorite. 

6818a228-895f-43db-9f32-54b9320d65bbThen some other friends and I went to Hudson Gardens in Littleton to see the Christmas lights and it was gorgeous! Although a little too crowded. 

It is a bit struggle to eat healthy while eating out so much. I am doing my best to sub out foods. Instead of pancakes, I got a fruit cup. 

Today I really felt some holiday joy. It was the first day in a while where I really felt in the moment and I wasn’t thinking about work. 

I am so grateful for my friends, being able to walk long distance again and Christmas lights.

 

 

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